My fashion journey

"Fashion is like eating, you shouldn't stick to the same menu."

Oh boy…I am actually going to write and share this. Honestly I had no idea it will come to this point but obviously it has to be that way so here it goes. I will never forget the experience of me wearing a pink T-shirt with matched pink pants and on top of that pink sneakers. Man how did this even look like? I was tall and really skinny so I could have understood people could not understand my weird style expression. Probably I also did not understand it quite well. But what was the most coolest part was me sketching and drawing women clothing since I remember from an early age. I will never forget the book I had especially bought for my clothing designs. Every day I sketched women clothing. You know what is the funny part? Actually not having a possibility to see the clothing I was drawing anywhere. There were no magazines, no TV programs…Nothing.. Man we had no Internet. Phones were just produced back then. Can you imagine growing up in a no wifi world? Me either. This is completely insane. My mum was always making fun of me and my sketches, she was unable to understand why was I drawing some clothing. Honestly I myself had no clue what was I doing, but man I would die to go back in time and to find this little book of mine where I collected all the designs I sketched. Gosh, I even remember some of the clothing I drew. Try to imagine living in a world where you are sketching woman clothes and then growing up to see this clothing of yours actually becoming alive and wearable, to see them on the streets? Where did I get so inspired? Probably everything was so well hidden inside of me and trying to express itself. But as time went I saw nothing will come out of it. So I eventually stopped sketching at one point of time. Then I discovered portraits and was into them too much so I stopped thinking about fashion and sketching for 10 years in a row. Yep I know that’s a lot. I was obsessed with reading and studying languages so I gave up portraits as well. Years went by and I was about to enter high school. The second crucial part to give you a glimpse about the beginning of my fashion journey was when I entered the class, early September, sitting on my chair and sketching some fashion or some similar content when a girl, my new class mate approached and asked me what was I doing saying I should have gone to the designer school. The feeling I got at that moment shocked me the most. I was mute and said nothing but inside of me lots of questions were trying to pour out of me. And that was the end of my fashion story. I forgot fashion, I left sketching and focused on the education. I entered the language school and just focused on learning and more learning. Ok and chasing guys. Maybe partying as well. Ok a lots of partying. We were in high school for God’s sake ok? While trying to understand why my mum in the first place forced me to go to this promising high school and a promising better future life, I was thinking about my college pickups. I was into languages a lot and always wanted to study English and Spanish. I liked geography as well. Maybe I should be a teacher. Then I was into computers also. And the list goes on and on. So I decided to study tourism. Definitely not on my list. Don’t even dare to ask me how I ended up there you don’t want to know. The years went by and fashion was completely forgotten. The only urge I had every once and a while was I had to spend some cash on sports clothing. I also used to train basketball but we were unable to gather that many students to actually have a basketball team so I also gave up sports. Man, I just realized I gave up a lot of things that used to make me happy. So I was there on my second year of college more lost then ever, having crisis about my identity about my what am I doing with my life crisis and lots of other crisis as well. Thank God I have had good friends beside me who convinced me it is not a good idea to change and apply for another college and I kind a listened to them and stick to that turbulent period until I was at the end having crisis again and thinking what to hell will I do with this bachelor degree whatsoever? Questions kept coming and answers were delaying. Around the time of  my birthday I stumbled across a page where people sell their clothing they don’t use. I was curious to know more so I started searching. What I did was I bought few second hand pieces and started selling which went very well. So I finished college, already knew I am not going to work in tourism field and boom two years working from home selling second hand exclusive pieces and maintaining myself from that income. Around that time people started moving out from the country, I lost a lot of customers and I was kind a stuck.  I worked on my laptop entire day, every single day. Eventually came the day I felt tired and a feeling I need to change something. The sales weren’t that good, everything I gained I reinvested and also bought clothes for myself. Very soon I realized I am actually not having that much money and working from season to season in tourism field felt disgusting. I was avoiding it for any cause although I did worked every season while studying, having many shitty experiences so I saw this is not something I really wanted. What was actually the thing I did want? Yeah, I still needed to figure that out also. So not that long ago Instagram started being very famous and few bloggers were trying to make a living from it. Then I decided  I should move to another city from my home, because my mom was unable to understand, like so many of them can’t why I recently graduated didn’t want to work a corporate job. She was putting a lot of pressure over my back and I decided I am moving out to another city, taking all my stuff with me. The plan was decent but did not go well. Me and my guy decided ( read I decided ) to move in together and try to work different jobs in order to make a living. And I did moved out, my parents even took me by car and wished me good fortune. So I was maintaining us for some time and while I was scrolling through Instagram feed I saw people posting photos of their outfits and decided I just might try this and see how it goes. My guy was taking all the photos for me and I was doing good although this was still not the thing at that time. I was happy doing something I loved without being paid for. Apart I was selling clothes very well and it was promising. When I saw this city is not going to support us on our journey to be independent human beings, seeing negative results from my better half  (read zero results), I quickly realized I am unable to take all that living costs on my own. So I was back to my place and my parents were very happy to rub my nose with my so called failure. I was failure to them and they treated me like shit. They wanted more for me but they did not understand that the only thing I was seeking for was just their support and approval. “This ain’t gonna happen girl, just accept that”, little voice in my head was whispering. Being surrounded by the negative environment and the negative experiences other people had I could understand their fears. Nevertheless I did not want to compromise. Every creature wants to be loved and accepted. I liked the feeling not to be present on a 9 to 5 job in an office and being my own boss. There must be way to make this alive. I remember my good friend saying to me that me being so passionate about fashion could move the stars if I only wanted to. I was making photos, posting on Instagram and nothing. I was sharing my style with the world but nothing extraordinary happened. Back then I wasn’t even wanting anything to happen because I was just posting photos for my own pleasure and trying to maybe inspire some people who followed my journey which I sure did not think through enough to call it my journey but was certainly a long way to go. Then I discovered second hand shop and completely gone mad. The quality of the pieces, the brands, the price felt like heaven. Then I saw people being crazy like hell buying it like myself and decided I want to open a second hand shop in my city. People were impressed with my style (not so many people were wearing pieces I have worn) asking me where I bought this piece or another, whereas I happily replied I found that amazing piece in our second hand shop. Unfortunately the plan I had was also ruined because I was unable to find a good position to open a shop (read I was late all the empty shops were already rented). Meaning I had no money to open it by myself in the first place but I was ready to find a solution. Afterwards I felt really depressed and having so many downs I started asking myself what am I doing wrong? Everything I tried so far was a big no-no for me. Devoted as I am I decided I just might try to actually find a job in tourism field and make a living since all fashion related plans weren’t able to be realized. Maybe I am just not good enough or this is not the path I should be on, I firmly started with the negative self-talk. I stated to myself being condemned to working in tourism field. Sorry Miss Solar but YOU don’t qualify for the opened position, still not enough experience”. “I think you should go back home, find a job at your local bar and gain some experience.” The last word ringing in my head before I decided this is not going to be my future. Like somebody slammed me with an iron fist. Now I felt really miserable and was on a quest to find a way to get out of this miserable country everybody was already migrating from. Sometimes in life there are certain obstacles you have to overcome in order to have the so wished for life. You know all good stories have a sad ending? Well I stepped on the foreign ground and I was about to begin my new life. At least that’s what I thought is going to happen… How all that went you can read in my next post about life in the foreign country. How many of you guys were faced with life-changing decisions you had to make? Did this change your life for the better or for the worse? Leave me a comment and let’s share this amazing journey called life with each other. I am eager to hear about your changes, mistakes you made along the way and some hell of a stories you want to share, but keep it short guys, we are all busy individuals. Until the next one. Love, Tasha
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